Living in the present

“Because I don’t live in either my past or my future.  I’m interested only in the present.  If you can concentrate always on the present, you’ll be a happy man... Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we’re living right now.” – Paul Coelho, The Alchemist

Sunrise in the Negev Desert, Israel

In February I went to Israel.  To say the experience was life changing is an understatement.  When I came home, it’s all I talked about – incessantly.  My friends would do parodies of me, starting their sentences with “In Israel…” in their best “Rachael voice.”  A few of my work friends even made up the nickname Is-Rachael. 

                                      

But to me, Israel was magic.  I’m not religious, but being in a place with so much history, the birthplace of so many of today’s modern religions, as well as the birthplace of my ancestors was so incredibly powerful.  The history, combined with the people I met on the trip, and the places we traveled to set off that same spark in my brain as the first time I went to Colorado. 

There is one moment of my trip that sticks out more than any others.  One moment that resonates more vividly.  A few days into our trip, we arrived at the Bedouin tents in the Negev Desert.  Later that evening, our tour guide, Avinoam, led us out into the desert in the complete darkness.  It was freezing that night, and so cloudy that we couldn’t see a single star in the sky.  He led us each into our own spot on the desert floor, far enough away from anyone else that there was no one in our peripheral vision. 

As he instructed us to lay in silence, Avinoam told us to think about where we were, in that moment.  “Forget about whatever is going on back home.  Whatever worries you have, whether it stems from a job, a relationship, bills, or school.  Forget it.  Be here. Be in this moment.  Know that you are in your homeland.  The homeland of your ancestors.  A place with thousands of years of history.  Appreciate where you are. Be here, and live in this moment.” 

And we laid there, on the desert floor, in complete silence.  I have no idea how long we were there.  If I had to guess I’d say somewhere between a half an hour and an hour.   And in that time, I can honestly say that my mind was clear.  The only thought that went through my head, over and over again: I’m so happy right now.

There is no other time in my life that I have been able to clear my mind, to live completely in the moment.  And laying on the floor of the Negev Desert, I wished that time could be suspended… that I could live in that moment forever. 

To me, Israel was magic, and I don’t think I’ve ever been as happy in my life as I was during the ten days of that trip.  I love everything about traveling - meeting new people, learning the history of a country, a place, seeing new sites, learning a new culture, how others live.  So before I left, I made another promise to myself: to stop delaying my dream.  I had the money saved.  I knew where I wanted to go.  The only thing I was waiting for was finding a partner to travel with.

In reality, though, there was no guarantee I’d ever find someone who was willing to drop their entire life and go to another continent for half a year. I had been waiting to find a partner since I began planning this trip four years ago.   So I promised myself, that no matter what, whether I found a travel partner or not, I would go to South America within one year.

But life has a way of working itself out.  "When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it"1.   And though I didn't know it at the time, there was one more invaluable experience that Israel had brought me.

1. Paul Coelho, The Alchemist 


* And a very loving shout out and thank you to my friend Sam in Afghanistan for recommending The Alchemist.  I loved it.  A perfect book to read before traveling.

Four years in the making

I'm going to South America.  For years, anyone who has known me has heard me talk about this epic backpacking trip I was going to go on.  For years, it was all talk.

When I was 22, I went to visit my brother at the University of Colorado at Boulder for the first time.  At the time, I was a few months out of college, and had moved to Alexandria, Virginia.  Being in Colorado for the first time really opened my eyes. The amazing scenery combined with the laid back attitude of the city set something off in my brain.  On my way back from Colorado, I bought a journal in the airport and I started writing.

The first sentence of my first journal entry on September 21, 2008 began with this sentence: "So confused. What do I want to do with my life?"

"I want to travel," was the first thing I wrote under that question.  "But I don't know how to travel like I want to," I continued.  "Am I really a person who can travel the way I want to?  Or do I just want to be that person?"

I like to call the year I was 22 the year of my quarter life crisis.  When I got back from Colorado, I continued  to write.  I wrote about the experiences I wanted to have, and the places I wanted to see and the people I wanted to meet.  I didn't actually know what or where or who any of them were.

A common response I keep hearing from people when I tell them about my trip is that they know I've been "searching" for something.  My Dad said it.  My boss said it.  My friends have said it.  I guess, ultimately, that's true.

In my journals, I collect cards with quotes and sayings that inspire me.  Each journal I've kept has had it's own theme, but a recurring theme is always the desire to travel.

"All who wander are not lost." - J.R.R. Tolkien 

"I'm in love with cities I've never been to and people I've never met." - Unknown

These are two of my favorite quotes from my South America planning journal.  While I may be searching for something, I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing.  At 25, I see a lot of people around me who aren't happy.  People who, already, at three years into the working world, think they're too deep in a career they hate to change it and find something they love.  People who are dating the wrong people either because they think it's what they're supposed to do or because they're complacent - not head over heels in love - but happy enough.  

So while I may not know exactly what it is I'm searching for, what I do know is that nothing in my life has ever inspired me the way that travel has.  Four years ago I started that journal on the way home from Colorado.  Four years ago I started telling anyone who would listen that I was going to go backpacking.  Four years ago I started saving money to make it happen.  Four years ago I made a promise to myself.

A few weeks ago I asked my landlord if it would be okay to sublet my apartment.  Last week I told my parents about my trip (a decision they are NOT happy about).  Today, I had a conversation with my boss and gave him notice of my leave.  In one month, I will make my dream come true.  

I can't guarantee anything about this trip.  To be honest, I am having a hard time even imagining what it will be like.  But what I can say with 100% certainty is that I'm making myself proud.  I think there are a lot of people who don't follow their heart and allow their dreams to remain just that.   While there are a lot of uncertainties that await me over the next many months, one thing I know for sure is that I will never look back at my life and regret following my heart and following through on a promise I made to myself.