Fear of the Unknown

"He who is not everyday conquering some fear has not learned the secret of life." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind.  As I prepare for this trip with what seems like a never-ending To Do list, I am also simultaneously trying to spend as much time as I can with people I love.  I've been extremely lucky to have one of the best months of my life, from high school girlfriends coming to visit to a goodbye party with an overwhelming amount of support from friends, to a weekend trip with my parents, an amazing wedding with family, and plenty of laughs and good times.  While all of this has been amazing, and I feel extraordinarily loved, on some level it makes it a bit harder to leave.

Four and a half years ago, I picked up my entire life an moved to DC.  At the time, I had no way of knowing that it would be the best decision I ever made.  Four and a half years later, I've made a life for myself here.  In those years, I've fallen in love and had broken hearts. I've made friends who have stuck by me for both.  I earned my Masters degree.  I was lucky enough to score a job at the best public relations firm in the world and work with some of the most amazing people I've ever known.  I've made a million memories and laughed a countless number of times.  And through all of these experiences, I've grown as a person, gained confidence, and learned about myself.

A few nights ago, I woke up at 3:30am to drive a good friend to the Supreme Court so that he could wait on line to see the historic affirmative action case Fisher v. The University of Texas.  When I got to the court there was a line of people, some who had been there since 8pm that evening.  And though I originally thought my friend was a little bit crazy for wanting to wait on line for hours, the people in that line, many who were curled up in sleeping bags on the sidewalk, reminded me something.  DC is a city with passion.  Thousands of people move to this city every year for the same reason I am going to South America: to fulfill a dream.

Driving through the empty streets, I couldn't help but think that the next time I would be awake at that hour it would be to leave for the airport.  Exactly one week and one day from that moment I will be on my way to Baltimore Washington International to board my flight for Cartagena.

And as I drove home with tired eyes, I was reminded just how much I love this city.  While the initial novelty of seeing historic buildings like the Washington Monument and the United States Capitol has been worn down by familiarity, sometimes, in the right moment, I see the buildings that I look at every day and they invigorate new excitement.  Each of the monuments tells a story- a story about someone who fought for something they knew was right.  A story about someone who did something that many others were too scared to do.

As excited as I am about my impending journey, I'm also terrified.  I have no idea what to expect.  In four days, I will literally change every single aspect of my life at once.  I will go to a foreign continent, with foreign people, who speak a foreign language that I do not yet speak or understand.  And I will do all of this without seeing a single friend or family member, a network of people who have always been my backbone.  But as intimidating as it all is, my greatest fear is the fear of regret.  Though I have no idea what to expect, I'd rather spend the next few months fearing the unknown rather than knowing exactly what each day will bring.